To date

I've wished my friends
On their happy birthdays, 
Paid my bills, all of them. 
I didn't take any loans 
So nothing financial to repay. 
I didn't break laid-down rules, 
To the best of my knowledge,
Let alone laws, no tiffs
In court, except one long over. 
I won my case against a tenant 
Who didn't leave till the end. 
That was fourteen years ago. 

Few bad words uttered
Over a longish lifetime, 
None really foul for sure. 
Not one body struck in anger
Except my daughter twice, 
Lightly slapped for reasons
Of naughtiness, a memory
That brings me tears, stains
My slate of non-violence. 
I wish in retrospect i hadn't. 

I did little good, compared
To the serious do-gooders, 
For myself, as much for others. 
Small donations here or there, 
Of time more and money less, 
Since i earned too little. 
A few jobs held, all went sour
In a year or two or three at most
For reasons that felt unfair. 
I thought i added value but
My bosses didn't, that's for sure. 
And to be honest i felt hemmed in
And was glad to be out each time. 

No congratulations, cheers,
Invitations to lunch or dinner, 
Who cares what i did not or did, 
Not many as i see from experience. 
Who was i me for? Who glad then 
I lived the way i'd learnt so well
In school and home? Parents and
Teachers dead, no real felicitation 
Of my sober, sombre life and times. 
Occasion always to celebrate alone, 
Writing lines like these very few, 
Making me visible, for those who 
In their reading can see me through.